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There are times when you need to hear things from someone else. Someone who has a third perspective about you and about your life. Today was one of those days, nights actually. :)

I learnt a lot of things that I should've known or probably already knew but wasn't accepting or practicing. The thing about life is that it happens, it goes on and we can't afford to stop, second-guess or try and resist it. That's what I've been doing for a while now. Trying to contain myself, trying to avoid getting into things which I'm afraid of, and in a way trying to avoid letting go.

While talking to a friend, he told me, very simply, you could be walking on a street and someone fell on you and you could get hurt, would that stop you from walking? If not, then why would an accident stop you from traveling. Yes, maybe it should act as a reminder to take things slow and to make slightly more logical decisions, but you can't live in fear of a 'what if' scenario. If things are meant to be, they will be no matter what you do and what you don't.

Another thing he said was, when things are going good, you hardly question it, so why do it when things go bad? I realized when was the last time I asked 'Why did I win this prize?' then why should I now ask, 'Why did it happen to me?'

The truth is simple, things happen, and you just have to take them in your stride and walk right on. Learn from the incidents but don't stop living.

There is a thing as your current life, there is a thing as the current situations you're involved in... And the best part, there are things you can control. If you can't control it then what's the point fretting about it and feeling miserable. Okay I have a job in a city that I wasn't born in. Okay I might have some great friends in that city. But I have a great life here too! I have friends who know me and who understand me. I have a fantastic career. I have a beautiful warm home. What more can I ask for? Sure I'd like my boyfriend to live in the city as I am so that I could have my evening dates and midnight drives, but the fact is that he isn't. He isn't even in the same damn country! But that shouldn't be my shield to stop living or to stop having fun. There were things that I liked doing and I should get back to doing them. There were places I wanted to visit and I should get out of my bed on weekends and go and do precisely that!

We spoke about death and one thing that she said stuck with me, all the people who I've known who've died, have done great things in their lives. All the people who've gone have left us with memories, deeds, actions, and lots to remember them by... Makes me realize, there's a lot more for me to do in my life. There's a lot I want to achieve and that's the reason I'm here, breathing, living.

I can't shut myself out. I can't bury myself under excuses. That's not the point. That's not even a way to deal with things. That's just plain silly. And I need to get out of it. I need to get out, let myself go, and do exactly what I want. If it means waking up in the morning and going off with my camera to some place in this city, then that's it. If it means enjoying some awesome sushi at a nearby restaurant, then that's it. And there are a lot of things. There are a lot of places. And most importantly there are friends.

Sometimes you need a wake-up call. And I think sometimes the snooze on those wake-up calls runs out and you finally have to wake up. So here it is. My wake-up call.

:)

And it's a beautiful good morning to me!

P.S. - I know this was an intensely personal post. This is probably one of the first times I've written something so personal on this blog. There's a lot that's left unsaid and would probably not be understood by most. But that's okay. This is me and this is my blog.

Comments

Unknown said…
So well put Ayesha. What you've written is something I need to remind myself about often too. Thanks to the innate control freak inside of me that you very well relate to.

But the irony is, as controlling as I can be, I've really learnt to love risks. To be excited about rather than fear what's in store. To fight what's happening if i don't like it or to learn to deal with it, accept it even because somewhere we're responsible for all that happens to us. Harsh, but true.

Don't be too afraid of risks, especially when they give you no return- that's why they're risks in the first place. The thing about taking risks or just letting go is that they leave with you peace and there's no sense of 'what if' troubling your spirit. They're never about expectations or returns, they're solely about the experience!

Much love,

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