A friend said something to me today and that brought me back to my blog and going through my words just randomly. You know how one comment leads you into your inbox and then suddenly you're re-reading emails from ages ago and reminiscing about the language, the experiences and the relationships... My blog is kind of like that. I didn't blog regularly. But I was quite consistent. I used to write movie reviews, book reviews, random thoughts that struck me, commentary on how I was growing up, general stuff. What struck me as I read one of my older posts was how much more diverse my reading habits used to be. I've gotten stuck in this urban fantasy genre for a while now, and I only break out of it to read books like Michelle Obama's "Becoming" but more or less I'm stuck reading one genre of books generally. I watch a slightly more diverse set of movies, but just not as intellectually stimulating ones.
I remember when I was explaining to a friend about my book choices, I said to them that at the end of the day I didn't have the bandwidth to read a heavy book, so something light works for me and this genre is perfect for that. But I should push myself to do more. Read better books, at least to bring in more variety. Watch a more diverse set of movies and shows. Like it's weird, with more choices and more convenience, somehow I'm making less intelligent decisions. I have a Kindle, I am paying for KindleUnlimited, I have Netflix, Amazon Prime, YouTube, and yet I'm reading and watching stuff that to my 20yr self would've felt constricting. :)
I've also stopped writing. Like this is probably my second post this year, but if I look at my last 5 years, it'll probably be only my 3rd or 4th. One theory I have which is kind of true is I write much lesser when I'm happier. Generally when I'm happier, I tend to talk more, be more social and then I run out of topics or thoughts to write about. The other could be more morose, that I'm not thinking these thoughts in the first place and hence have nothing to write about.
The past few months I've been in major contemplation mode, primarily because of a family incident, but broadly also because there's generally been so much bias towards action in the last few years, but not much bias towards thought. I've been thinking and realizing that if I want to grow (personally and professionally) I'll have to be more conscious about it. I will need to prioritize, make tough decisions, be more committed, and do this all a lot more consciously. I feel like for the last few years, I've been coasting along in a way. Stuff has been happening and I'm just meandering with it, instead of being very focused and driven in getting things done a particular way. I don't think about decisions in a 100 different ways before making my choices, I default to what's convenient, what's affordable and generally go with my instincts. But that's not good enough anymore.
In a friend's whatsapp group, I realized that this december is the last december of this decade. I know I sound like a marketing promotion right now, but that just struck me somewhere and further pulled me into this zone. It's been such a wild ride.
If I take a step back and think about it:
- Started working in Google in May 2010 (my first major job)
- Moved to Hyderabad at the same time (my first time away from my parents and living by myself)
- Flew on an international flight to Hong Kong for the first time that Dec 2010 (first international flight + country)
- Grew up professionally over the years, got promoted multiple times, moved teams in Hyderabad and then moved to Singapore in 2014 and then to Hong Kong in 2016
- Traveled to 16 countries (Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, Philippines, South Korea, Japan, China, Sri Lanka, Taiwan, Mexico, US) over the years
- Got proposed to and married in 2016
- Bought an apartment in Mumbai in 2017
I guess it's the timing of it as well. This decade is the decade I turned 23 so it's the one with the most leaps and growth and fresh starts, but damn I'm proud of me!
I was re-reading a post I'd written in 2009 about choices and my wondering what I'd do after my masters degree. If I could see myself 10 years younger, I'd just tell myself not to worry, because everything I did contributed in one way or the other in making me who I am today. Every small internship, part-time job taught me something, all those projects and subjects in graduation + post graduation did help. Maybe I'd tell myself to find another way to learn and pick up math skills actually. But overall, it's been an awesome decade and I can't wait for the next one. :)
I remember when I was explaining to a friend about my book choices, I said to them that at the end of the day I didn't have the bandwidth to read a heavy book, so something light works for me and this genre is perfect for that. But I should push myself to do more. Read better books, at least to bring in more variety. Watch a more diverse set of movies and shows. Like it's weird, with more choices and more convenience, somehow I'm making less intelligent decisions. I have a Kindle, I am paying for KindleUnlimited, I have Netflix, Amazon Prime, YouTube, and yet I'm reading and watching stuff that to my 20yr self would've felt constricting. :)
I've also stopped writing. Like this is probably my second post this year, but if I look at my last 5 years, it'll probably be only my 3rd or 4th. One theory I have which is kind of true is I write much lesser when I'm happier. Generally when I'm happier, I tend to talk more, be more social and then I run out of topics or thoughts to write about. The other could be more morose, that I'm not thinking these thoughts in the first place and hence have nothing to write about.
The past few months I've been in major contemplation mode, primarily because of a family incident, but broadly also because there's generally been so much bias towards action in the last few years, but not much bias towards thought. I've been thinking and realizing that if I want to grow (personally and professionally) I'll have to be more conscious about it. I will need to prioritize, make tough decisions, be more committed, and do this all a lot more consciously. I feel like for the last few years, I've been coasting along in a way. Stuff has been happening and I'm just meandering with it, instead of being very focused and driven in getting things done a particular way. I don't think about decisions in a 100 different ways before making my choices, I default to what's convenient, what's affordable and generally go with my instincts. But that's not good enough anymore.
In a friend's whatsapp group, I realized that this december is the last december of this decade. I know I sound like a marketing promotion right now, but that just struck me somewhere and further pulled me into this zone. It's been such a wild ride.
If I take a step back and think about it:
- Started working in Google in May 2010 (my first major job)
- Moved to Hyderabad at the same time (my first time away from my parents and living by myself)
- Flew on an international flight to Hong Kong for the first time that Dec 2010 (first international flight + country)
- Grew up professionally over the years, got promoted multiple times, moved teams in Hyderabad and then moved to Singapore in 2014 and then to Hong Kong in 2016
- Traveled to 16 countries (Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Cambodia, Thailand, Vietnam, Philippines, South Korea, Japan, China, Sri Lanka, Taiwan, Mexico, US) over the years
- Got proposed to and married in 2016
- Bought an apartment in Mumbai in 2017
I guess it's the timing of it as well. This decade is the decade I turned 23 so it's the one with the most leaps and growth and fresh starts, but damn I'm proud of me!
I was re-reading a post I'd written in 2009 about choices and my wondering what I'd do after my masters degree. If I could see myself 10 years younger, I'd just tell myself not to worry, because everything I did contributed in one way or the other in making me who I am today. Every small internship, part-time job taught me something, all those projects and subjects in graduation + post graduation did help. Maybe I'd tell myself to find another way to learn and pick up math skills actually. But overall, it's been an awesome decade and I can't wait for the next one. :)
Comments